“You’re the last woman he dated before getting married.”
It was a slap in the face. And it had happened before. Twice.
I needed to get to the bottom of it.
Why were the other women better than me?
I wanted to get married and settle down.
I wanted to come home to a warm house.
I wanted to have kids by 40.
I wanted to find a partner.
I wanted Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now.
I wanted someone to share a life – with a true partner,
I didn’t want to babysit someone.
I wanted someone to travel with.
I wanted someone to pay attention to me, is that so much to ask?
My best friend thought it was, “Do you know anyone who has that? Honestly?”
My parents had it.
They had the fairy tale love you see on tv.
My dad worshipped my mother.
She levitated through life, like Jackie O.
I loved my parents.
“Fuck your parents. That’s not real. That’s so 1960s.”
Honestly, sometimes I wonder why I call my friends for help.
“You should date Michael. He works in my office. He’s nice. Has a good job… Divorced, two kids with shared custody. Nothing weird.”
So I went out with Michael.
We had a lovely time. He took me to dinner.
Michael seemed down to earth.
He was funny and seemed interested in me, which was a decent start.
Is it chemistry?
I don’t know, maybe Biology…
I was never good at science.
He text after the first date, “Heya, I am not interested in going on a second date – but if you are down, I am up for something casual.“
“Casual what?” I ask, afraid I knew the answer.
“Oh, you know…”
Have I mentioned that I hate men?
I have a real job.
I have purpose on earth.
I have my shit together.
I own a house.
But when it comes to relationships, I turn into an object.
I lose all my status.
It’s like they are saying…
“I don’t want to date you, but I will sleep with you if you don’t mind something casual.”
It’s downright vile, to be honest.
It’s ME with the problem…
Truthfully, I have a lot problems with dating:
- I don’t have time for online dating.
- I go on dates only to find out they are seeing many other people at once.
- All my suiters are not as serious as I am.
- I want quality, and there is none to be had.
- I have meaningless sex or none at all.
- I am so sick of people asking, “Why is someone like you single?“
- I hate meaningless text exchanges with strangers.
- I am constantly being offered situationships.
- I want quality, and there is none to be had.
- Men reward themselves for having ‘Game.’ I don’t want games.
- I am treated like an object on the gameboard, not a person.
- I feel unloveable. Unseen.
- The dick pics, so many dick pics…
- I am tired of first date dead ends.
- Am I not important enough to commit to?
- People tell me, “What you are looking for doesn’t exist.”
- All they want is sex, not dating, not connection.
- Sick of finding out he’s lying.
- I am lonely enough that I will have a hookup just to feel close to someone.
- I don’t want to go to another wedding, office party, or dinner alone.
- I feel like something is wrong with me.
- It’s difficult to get to a quality second date.
- If this goes on long enough it starts to shake my confidence.
- After a while, I get fed up and don’t date online.
- Have I mentioned the penis pics?
- I would rather be single than with someone who sucks.
- I am too important to have a dating profile!
- Am I too picky or not picky enough?
- The house is empty. I can’t fill it with enough glasses of wine.
- I am burnt out.
- Sick of mindless swiping.
- Friends set me up so often I seem defective.
- I have fallen out of love for love.
- Meeting someone new is a chore.
- I can’t find men who have the same values,
- I can find chemistry but no compatibility.
- (Did I mention the dick pics? Why do guys think we like this?)
This is a partial list.
Get back to me after “LOOKINGFORCOUGAR47” drops his shriveled wiener in my inbox.
Truth is, I was at my breaking point.
I was the last woman before marriage…
I was told I wasn’t good enough for dating, but I would happily treat you like a whore…
This is where we find our heroine in our story.
Anti-man, but wanting one at the same time.
It was at this moment I was exiting a local coffee shop.
Bitter about the lies everyone told us about marriage and true love.
I looked up and saw a sign in green neon letters, “Cat Cantrill.”
I wondered, what Type of woman has her name in neon lights?
I Googled it and realized it was a sign. “Cat Cantrill, Dating Coach and Matchmaker.”
A green neon sign in a window changed my life.
It was a sign that everything was about to change.
I booked an appointment with her the following week.
That weekend I listened to Cat’s Podcast, Dear Matchmaker and watched her Instagram Reels. OMG, this women is hilarious. And she gets me…!
When my appointment finally arrived, I walked into her office and felt like I knew her.
I felt a little star-struck like I was meeting a celebrity.
She hugged me like we were instant long-lost friends.
Her office is like a speakeasy in 1921 San Francisco.
Cat has a globe bar.
You know the ones where the bar is hidden inside a globe.
She offered me sparkling wine.
I accepted and sunk into a comfortable chair.
She said, “Tell me all things.“
I told her everything, all the problems I listed above.
She said, “Wow. That’s a lot.”
Cat smiled like she knew the answer to the question, “How can I help you?”
I said, ‘I want to know why I am always the last woman a man dates before he settles down.“
Cat went on to explain how she helps people by giving them a wide range of preliminary tests.
She calls it the Unveiling Method.”
Some of the Steps:
Unveiling is a process of unmasking and removing something.
“Most people are unconsciously blocking their own progress. So I use my Around the Block process to move around people’s blocks. This isn’t therapy. It’s sidestepping, going around the issues standing in your way.”
Cat is a big proponent of counseling.
We all have stuff we need to work out.
But she believes that most of our problems can be driven around – just like driving around a pothole.
I found this approach refreshing.
Cat says, “Go to therapy if that’s what you need. But if I told you how to drive around your pothole vs. spending two years in therapy uncovering your trauma, do you drive around it or go to therapy?“
I chose the, “Around the Block” Method.
This involves learning what motivates your dating choices.
Knowing your Attachment Style…
Knowing why you are attracted to certain types.
Knowing why you are attracting certain types…
Another part of her Unveiling Method is the Chemistry Set.
Cat helped me understand why Chemistry is wrecking my dating life.
“You have it all wrong. You feel Chemistry when it’s wrong. It’s exciting and weird. What you want to feel is Compatibility. It feels different, like the difference between fine wine and espresso.”
Wait, hold the phone… I was like, “Can you be compatible but have no chemistry???”
It’s not chemistry.
She said, “You see, compatibility creates lasting connection, which translates into wanting to constantly connect with someone. You want to spend time together and create intimacy…”
My mind blew up when I heard this.
Then Cat has her ‘Type Righter Method.’ Most women have a “type.”
But Cat says this needs to be rewritten…
Your Type is keeping you single.
Your Type is a block you have installed to keep you safe.
It’s one of the ways we self-sabotage our dating life.
It’s easier to make a mistake with a partner we don’t love than to sit in the blinding terror of Actual Love…
So Cat has you rewrite your Type with her Type Righter.
These systems seem cutsie, but when facing life alone, having a strategy to plug yourself into is invaluable.
I can’t tell you all of them, but I can tell you about one of my favorites.
She calls it her “Off the Fence Method.“
You are ‘on the fence’ with your life.
You are in-between.
You are trying to have it both ways.
You are trying to have the excitement of your single years, great sex and adventure, and a great connection and partnership.
You have to get “Off the Fence.”
You have to come down and be a whole person.
You have to stop making excuses for bad behavior.
– Someone else’s bad behavior AND your own.
You have to learn to be comfortable and attract the person who wants that.
You have to go all in.
Get off the fence, girl.
Who is Cat’s training for?
It’s for women.
It’s not for girls.
It’s for women who have their act together.
It’s not for ‘fence-sitters.’
It’s for women who want to curate love, to CREATE love.
You have to be powerful enough to be YOU.
Who is it NOT for?
It’s not for women who want something for free.
This is a service.
It gets you the most precious thing you have on earth: LOVE.
What value do you place on creating love?
Cat has plenty of free or low-dollar workshops or courses. Start there.
It’s not for women who want to FIND Love… like it’s a shiny coin you stumble across in a grocery aisle.
It’s for women who want to make love, to create it.
It’s not for women who are right about everything.
If you know everything already, don’t bother Cat, you don’t need her.
You are perfect just the way you are.
If you ONLY want a guy who is six feet tall, who ONLY makes X dollars, or who ONLY is your Type, Cat can’t help you.
That’s not what she does. This is not a mail-order catalog for Ken dolls.
How does it work?
Cat has a few ways to help you.
You can attend one of her in-person or online events.
She even has a live dating game show.
You can get coaching using her Unveiling Method.
You can get your dating profile rewritten using her Adventure Time Dating Profile writing service.
And you can get Matchmaking. But she usually doesn’t take Matchmaking clients without first coaching them in the Unveiling Method.
She says, “If I give you tons of perfect matches, but you are falling in potholes, you are incompatible with everyone…”
Cat helped me.
If you are open, coachable and lovable, Cat can help you.
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